Private part talk - 7 year old
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Help! I know this behavior is “normal and curious” but would love help on how to navigate and talk sternly about the subject and actions. My 7 year old son and his girl cousin were touching each others privates. We have had this talk about privates are for no one else but himself, mom/dad and doctors. We also talked to him about how it is NEVER okay to do that. I’m torn between punishing him, because I’m freaked out / having a conversation and navigating it in a productive way. Would love advice!
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Thank you so much for bringing up this question. Even though it’s probably been very uncomfortable to be unsure what to do - I appreciate your openness and vulnerability. As a licensed therapist , with a specialty in working with youth and parents- here are a few thoughts.
- I think your maternal gut is an important one to listen to. And the fact that you are considering the option of talking it out feels very tuned in. Punishing does not stop behavior. It may be important to use some natural consequences, like not having them unsupervised or any sleep overs, but I think it’s often best to lead with getting curious, not furious.
If you are not sure how to have that conversation, I’d reach out to your pediatrician, as they may have local resources for you. Also I love the website : https://birdsandbeesandkids.com/ Tons of great resources, books and articles there. This is also definitely seen as normal - u less there are some red flags: one of the two children being significantly older than the other, coercion or pressure from one child to the other, and problematic sexualized behavior that seems too advanced for curiosity within their age group. In this case, I’d recommend talking with a local therapist. Feel free to reach out if u wanna talk it through more.
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We have found that we talk about private parts often and firmly. For example, anytime my son fails to put on his underwear after a shower, we will say “your penis is your private parts, and privates are put away”.
Rather than have the conversation only when it happens making it seem like a bigger deal we try to talk about it frequently.
